So I used to go to shows a ton. It was an integral part of my life for a long time. Whether I was playing at them or just going. I was regularly heading out and skipping out on curfew at Asbury for shows in Cincy, Louisville, Nashville… Wherever there was a show I wanted to see I was there. Drove to Cleveland and hit a dear with my dad’s van to see Weezer, Jimmy Eat World and Tenacious D. I even booked and promoted shows all through college.
Just recently I went with a friend of mine to see Queens of the Stoneage in Louisville. Great show, and one of the first I had gone to in a long time. And something started to stir up a little. Last night I was watching part of the Paramore concert from the iTunes festival and it hit me. Revelation.
My wife has been asking that we go to concerts together. As we’ve been looking for something really solid that we could do and enjoy together, that’s been a constant thing that we keep coming back to. Well my revelation hit last night explaining why I have made little to no effort to go to shows for going on 5 years now.
It makes me sad…
I’m naturally a writer and someone who loves music. I love writing and creating. I love playing and singing and being in a band and getting out and playing shows, recording, everything that comes along with being a musician. I haven’t done that in years. I’ve had no outlet for that for a long time. I love playing at church, but even some of that has been taken away as I have been unwittingly boxed in. Pieces of what made serving on the music team fulfilling have been taken away for various reasons.
So watching concerts, going to concerts makes me sad. It’s what I’m supposed to be doing and am not able to. Now I have tried to connect with some friends to play and I get the same answers all the time:
1. I’m too busy
2. Eh I don’t want to write stuff. I’d do a bunch of covers (lame)
If you feel like I’m calling you out right now, that’s really okay. I’m not calling you out but if you feel that way, I’ll let it sit there. The point of this isn’t others or making someone feel bad or good.
So this void in my life is quite pervasive. I’ve got equipment that regularly sits around my house unused. Songs I’ve written that will sit quietly on my laptop. And honestly pages upon pages of song notebooks that are blank cause it feels like a waste. I just happily bought new pedals a new board and put new pickups in one of my guitars. A small window of optimism.
Well I think I’ve let pessimism and other peoples opinions and pessimism play to much of a roll in this. More than something I love to do, this feels like something I’m meant to do. It’s a part of me that I have let be squelched when it’s supposed to be thriving. That doesn’t mean that I am supposed to give up everything to pursue a full time band that plays all the time.. That’s ridiculous. But I’m supposed to write, supposed to practice and get better vocally and on my guitar. I’m supposed to play and sing. I’ve let lack keep me from progressing. And I’ve let sadness keep me from going and enjoying watching others perform.
So action steps:
1. At least 30 minutes with my guitar everyday. Probably more. Practicing, learning, becoming a rounded musician.
2. Just start writing. 1 song a week minimum.
3. Start getting back out to concerts. At least 1 a month. I’d rather it be 2.
4. As for people to play, we’ll see if the little thing holds or if Jesus has something else or whatever it might be. But regardless of others and all that I will do something. Don’t know what yet but I’ll do something.
That’s what I got.